Wednesday, October 17, 2012

70 Things I Learned from Having a Brain Tumor

Full disclosure: I didn’t learn these 70 things, or even my own 70 things.  But I did read a brain tumor blog posting from Geraldine that I just love: “70 Things I Learned from Having a Brain Tumor.”

I’ve copied and pasted the first six for you to read and enjoy:

“Here are some of the things I learned from my experience. I tried putting them in some sort of coherent order, but that kind of failed miserably, so instead, I’ve just plopped them all into one big list.

Call it a brain dump, if you will.

Trying to diagnose yourself over the internet is a terrible idea. The world wide web, once a dear friend, purveyor of porn, and shopping buddy, will turn on you. And, as my friend Chad so brilliantly puts it, you will come away thinking that you have a life expectancy of three or four minutes.

Rather than asking Google all those questions rolling around in your tumor-ridden head, I found it best to write them down and direct them to your doctor. Every. Single. One. (Well, every single one that pertains to brain tumors. Don’t go asking your doctor about where you can find those naked photos of Prince Harry from Vegas. He might know, but it will just get awkward from there.) If you don’t write them down, trust me, you will forget them the second you enter the exam room, and will conveniently remember them again well after you’ve gotten home.

Feel free to run around the house doing your best Arnold Schwarzeneggar impersonation, saying “It is a tumor.” Trust me: it will never get old.

Note that the tumor is not the sole reason behind your tendency to enter a room and forget why you went in there in the first place. If that were the case, everyone on the planet would have a brain tumor. My mother would have 17 of them.

However, the tumor may be the reason behind your headaches, your hormone fluctuations, and why you think that Sorority Boys was a good film.”

It’s okay to be scared out of your mind.”

This listing is merely the hors d’oeuvres. To read the full menu of insights, reflections and assertions, go to:

PS – I, too, was scared out of my mind. If you’re not, your mind isn’t working…or you’re on some really, really heavy drugs.

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